Stop commenting on people's weight!

Tis the holiday season and one thing that often coincides with the holiday cheer is the holiday stress of having to navigate interactions with individuals that choose to focus on your weight and appearances as a social buffer.

The prevalence of diet culture marketing and normalization makes it hard to see any possible reasons why we shouldn't be commenting on weight and appearance, but there are plenty. Comments such as "Wow you look so good, did you lose weight?" or "I heard you have been going to yoga. Good for you for getting in shape!" may be said with good intention but it’s time we break this social norm and bring in more supportive ways of connecting and relating to one another. 

Next time you consider making weight or appearance comments without having an intimate understanding of that individuals story consider this...

1. It is normal to fluctuate weight throughout your lifetime to adapt to new environments, stressors, and significant life experiences. Commenting on the change can cause an individual to hyper-fixate on staying at a certain size instead of experiencing the natural and protective ebbs and flows of weight gain or loss. 
2. Celebrating someone’s weight loss or sharing concern over someone’s weight gain suggests that being thin is equivalent to being better and healthier. This in turn adds to our societal problem of fatphobia and weight stigma. Health focused behavior is possible for everyone at every size but we’ve developed a thin bias that suggests people with thinner frames or figures are implementing healthier habits. Guess what- that’s an inaccurate bias and we have to unlearn that, ESPECIALLY  if you are a health or wellness professional.
3. Commenting on someone’s weight can encourage disordered eating patterns. For example, “I only receive attention when I drop a few pounds so I am going to do this juice cleanse real quick” OR “my friends are asking me about my weight gain, I probably should work out at the gym 2x a day.” Disordered eating is a serious issue and individuals who struggle with disordered eating need to know recovery and freedom from these obsessions around food, weight, and body is possible. Hearing comments from friends or family that validate their disordered behaviors prevents individuals from believing they deserve treatment.  
4. You could be bringing attention to the side effects of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, mental illnesses, or physical disorders and medications that change one's body. It’s most likely the person that has gained or lost weight recently is aware of this fact and if it is tied to a mental health disorder or physical condition, the extra attention on this can be devastating on the individual’s self-care routines.
5. Commenting on someone's weight communicates that their worth is based on their weight. Consider other reasons you appreciate and care for that human beyond their weight and spend more time thinking about how you can lift up their self-worth in those ways.
6. Lastly, it’s simply a shallow comment. It shifts the conversation away from meaningful topics and connections. We are so much more than what we weigh! Be curious about the individual’s recent joys, challenges, and successes.

Here are three alternative questions you can ask instead of commenting on someone’s weight.

1. What is bringing you joy these days?
2. Are there any projects you’ve been working on that you feel proud of?
3. What have you been doing with your free-time recently?

You have the capacity to support the shift of cultural norms to create a more just, loving, and inclusive atmosphere. Start this holiday seasons by sharing this blog post with someone who may be open to a new perspective.