Authentic Expression

"I understand now that I'm not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often-because I'm paying attention.'"
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​-Glennon Doyle Melton
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All of us have a unique relationship to our emotional response to the messiness of life. Read the following behaviors and consider which relate to your current habits.

• "I prefer not to feel emotions that are unpleasant and so I distract myself by keeping my schedule busy"
• "I am ashamed of my feeling responses (crying, shaking, yelling) and so I isolate myself until I can compose myself"
• "I prefer to use substances to elevate my mood (this could include alcohol, marijuana, food, cigarettes, etc)"
• "I tend to blame the individual's closest to me because I believe they should be able to protect me from experiencing difficult emotions."
• "I focus on others needs and feelings instead of my own because I don't think my needs, wants, and struggles are as important."
• "I keep a distance in relationships (friendships, intimate partners, family members) so that I don't have to talk about sensitive topics."
• "I associate feeling sad/mad/shame/fear with being weak and incapable"

Before your inner shame troll starts to yell at you for having any of these emotional responses, know that all of these responses are natural and protective. These ways of coping often began to form when you were very young. It's important to know that even though these responses have a positive intention (often a sense of safety and control) overtime they can limit your ability to access your authentic expression and therefore your authentic enjoyment in this messy life. The benefit of releasing these old ways of coping with difficult emotions and experiences is so you can release the stress that gets blocked in your mind and body. When the stress accrues overtime, you may find yourself going through periods of despair, hopelessness, and/or hyper vigilance. You can learn new ways to break current and conditioned emotional responses and move towards authentic expression and integration.

In order to develop a lifestyle that supports your well-being and authentic expression, begin seeking environments where your vulnerability can be experienced nonjudgmentally, safely, and compassionately.

If your current environments or relationships do not provide that for you, (and you don't see that changing anytime soon) it may be time to find a support group, a therapist or a coach to explore your authentic expression. We are relational creatures that require loving relationships to access healing.

There is hope that the relationship to your emotions can evolve.

When you develop more resources to feel and process your emotions, you will find yourself accessing more vibrancy and fulfillment in your daily life. Not only will you be able to tolerate and honor the challenging emotions but you will also be able to stay present with the more enjoyable emotions more and more often... that sounds pretty dang good to me :)